I love that I get to have a relationship with my daughter but truth be told the success or failure of that relationship is determined largely by our impact as parents over the few/many years we have to influence our kids, that is at least before every other influence gets to them like social media, television, friends, and all the outside nuances that may or may not be aligned to your family values.
Mother daughter relationships are special though, just as her dad is her first and acceptable impression of the male species, so too her mum is her role model, her first introduction to a woman, a mother, a wife. Only it's much more than that.
As women we are often driven by feelings and so the opinion of the very first woman known to us matters. How we are treated by them and their thoughts toward us.... all of it influences how we see ourselves, our sense of worth, self love and self respect.
I'm no expert at mother daughter relationships because I'm still on my own journey but I know that what you put in is mostly what you get out. It's a simple you reap what you sow principal.
Time is so fleeting, before you blink they're all grown up! I've been thinking about ways to maximize my window of influence practically cultivate a close relationship with Jen. Hope these inspire you too...
Someone once told me , "If you want your daughter to share some of her secrets with you, you need to be willing to share some of yours with her ". Let her in on things.
Do things together, things she loves to do not just things that are convenient for you or what you want to do.
Don't expect her to be exactly like you but encourage her to take the best parts of you. In fact personally I don't want her to be like me , I want her to be better than me.
Don't hold on to disappointments and times when she has hurt you, be quick to demonstrate how easy it can be to reconcile.
Give her affirmation when she does good.
Avoid letting our own insecurities and past experiences spill onto her.
Discover her love language, it will help to show her your love in ways she prefers and appreciates. I read this book (The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman) when I wanted to discover my husbands and my love languages but why not discover your kids ones too. They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
Pray for and with our daughters, teach them to access their faith.
Keep her close, make that your goal no matter the day you've had or the day you hoped to have had, keep her close.
You don't have to do them all but pick a few that resonate with you and go for it!
If you yourself have had a tough relationship with your mum, if it is possible, I hope there is something you can do to turn that around regardless of how tumultuous the relationship has been or who is at fault. Make the first move. Mums get it wrong too but forgiveness is a powerful weapon available for us to use.
All the best as we raise the next generation of fearless yet tender women.