Motherhood doesn't have to affect friendship negatively but who are we kidding, motherhood pretty much changes EVERYTHING, friendships included.
Life as we once knew it, childless, nobody but me to worry about and all that jazz, becomes history.
Becoming a mum turns our lives upside down. Fortunately we have tons of resources that help us prepare for all the changes that come with it. That said, somehow, I feel that the changes that come to relationships and friendships, still seems to be unexpected, it hits hard, and is terribly heart sore.
I think it couldn't possibly hurt to spend some time thinking/planning for our relationships that could possibly take a knock post motherhood, just as we would plan for everything else that comes with motherhood. While I realize that we can't plan for everything, thinking about it and knowing that if it happens its normal, can sometimes help to process it better .... last thing you need is to be an emotional wreck because of a failed or broken friendships while having a new baby.
A lot depends on what you want from friendship and where your friendships stand at the time of becoming a mum. Some friendships get stronger while others fadeaway.
A few of the fundamental things that change is the fact that there's no time or restricted time, meaning you cannot invest in the friendship or perhaps you can't do dinner because it's baby's bedtime. Or, your friends cannot relate to you anymore and vice versa. It is what it is!
Well if you're on the brink
of becoming a mum or found friendship after kids to be a challenge here are some
tips to help you put it in perspective and perhaps start friendships over from a better standpoint going forward.
Let go- learn to let go of relationships you know are genuinely not working. Make peace with it and trust that some friendships which may not have worked right now can still repair itself in the future as life's circumstances change.
Make the effort -Nurture friendships you value. Simple stuff like a message can mean the most AND as a new mum, practice multi tasking from the get go, life shouldn't come to a total stand still, the more you practice the easier it becomes.
Let in - don't be afraid to let new friends in. Ones that you genuinely feel a connection to.
Exercise caution - Every freindship/relationship may not require a 110% investment. You simply cannot be everything to everyone.
Dont only form friendships with the parents of your kids friends because well, you need your own friends too BUT that said, you are blessed if your kids friends parents genuinely become your friends.
Our children learn from our friendships. Let's model well.
Avoid relationships that get you trying too hard to belong, those ones aren't worth it! Good friends are not demanding or imposing on the friendship. There's a certain ease, authenticity and comfort to long lasting friendships.
Lastly but certainly not least, trust that God always places people in our lives for a reason, and that as we journey through life together whether all the way or for different parts of the journey, let's be the best we can be to those at the seat of our table.